We all have them, we all suffer from them, but we don't let them go. Because there's something very significant they provide- comfort and a feeling of security. But here's the truth. First, your body can live perfectly well without those bad habits and addictions. It's a matter of time till the physical cravings subside majorly. There may be a specific reason you engaged in that bad habit or you just learned it from your parents. As a matter of fact, there were times this wasn't the case. Second, while the bad habits are meant to relieve stress, they actually cause even more distress. That's why they're called bad. They cause harm and take away many good opportunities.

Having a strong desire to get rid of my bad habits, I went through dozens of guides that promised overnight results in just a few steps. But most of them bore a little relationship with reality. I strongly believe that everything from setting a quitting day on Monday to reading motivational books doesn't work for more than a few days. For the most part, it's the psychological bond that holds us back from quitting. And that bond is different for each individual. Further I talk about what worked for me and other people, but remember that I do only half of the job, and you must do the rest. You will need to answer a few questions for yourself and make personal adjustments throughout the process. Please note that in case of severe problems, consult a medical professional first, and you may use this guide complimentary to the main treatment.

Questions to answer:

What harm does my bad habit/addiction cause?

How much of my time does it take?
Is this actually a bad habit?

First of all, let's identify your starting point. This step is necessary, because depending on the severity of your problem you might need to seek professional help. Additionally, think of the negative impact of your current behavior on your mental and physical health, and your future. I am by no means telling you to start shaming yourself. It won't magically make you motivated to make a change. Instead, portraying yourself as a weak-minded person convinces you that you're not able to succeed. This is particularly the case if you have a history of failed attempts in the past. If prior to this moment you tried to quit using a specific method and it didn't help, forget about it. As some people say- it's not you, it's me. So let's find something better that actually works for a longer term.

Questions to answer:

What do you get from engaging in that behavior?

Do you experience the constant need to relieve stress?

What problem does it solve?

When you go to a doctor's appointment, they check for symptoms to identify the main cause. If doctors always focused on getting rid of the symptoms, they would keep occurring again and again, and there wouldn't be any actual progress. Similarly, your bad habit is just a symptom, not the main problem. 

If that's a matter of convenience and laziness, you must investigate other ways around it. The best example is taking off make-up before going to bed. The thought of getting up to clean my face with makeup remover and cotton pad made me not want to wear make-up ever again. It was until I tried cleansers and make-up wipes and realized it wasn't about me being lazy, but about my unexplained hate towards make-up removers. Another example is when I made my first attempts to have a more active lifestyle. Now we have a lot to choose from, but back in the days I thought running was the most accessible for me. Needless to say, it was a huge failure that made me feel very bad about myself. Later in life I found sports that I enjoy doing. I didn't even consider some of them as options in the first place, simply because I thought it would end up the same. I still run only when I'm running late.

Some habits are based on willingness to quickly relieve stress. For example, chewing on pens and pencils. By the way, this habit damages teeth, as they're not meant for chewing on such hard objects. In this case you must think of two things- what triggers the stress and how it can be substituted. It can also be that there is no specific trigger, so just focus on the second point. Identifying and avoiding triggers isn't enough for quitting a habit, but it's an essential step. There are some triggers that you can completely avoid, and some are impossible to get rid of. But trust me, if you have less triggering environment overall, it makes your recovery go much smoother.

Here comes the most important part that's completely on you. This is the reason why a lot of things don't work. One big mistake to avoid is measuring how much motivation you have. You probably heard something like this before: he was very motivated and achieved his goals. Does it sound familiar? Personally, I don't understand the meaning of being very motivated. Think about it for a minute and try to give a good definition. We talk about motivation as if everyone experiences it the same and it can be increased by constantly convincing yourself to do something eventually. In fact, one can fully understand the importance of the change while having no motivation at all. The answer is simple- motivation cannot be created artificially, it can only be found deep within. For a long time I thought that the right motivation is "because it's bad for you", but it never made any significant impact. That's what commercials, friends and family keep repeating. Motivation is both hard and easy to find at the same time, but the search process isn't as confusing as what I just said. It's hard to listen to yourself, but very easy to find the right motivation once you learn how to do it. Find something simple and personal to you. Something that will make you happier than you currently are. When I gained some weight, my motivation was simple- I wanted to fit in my clothes again. Once I lost weight, I continued training and eating healthy, because I wanted to bench more weight and get stronger overall. I wouldn't get where I'm currently at if I only focused on comparing myself to others and scaring myself.

It's easy to plan for the future, simply because you don't have to take any action just yet. Sometimes when I make a schedule for tomorrow I write down way too many things on my "to do" list. The next day I end up with unfinished tasks. That's because one's expectations about the future can't be fully adequate and realistic. Similarly, our New Year's resolutions are based on the idealized projection of the future self as if that is a completely different person. The best advise- start quitting at any moment. Whenever you feel like you're ready. There won't be any pressure of failure on you, so you'll feel more control over the situation. But remember that first day, write down the date, and celebrate every milestone. A day, a month, every month, a year, every half a year- that's what I personally follow.

What do you like doing? I wouldn't give a proper answer 10 years ago. Some people are passionate about one hobby, and some are like me. They kind of like doing things here and there, but don't focus on something specific. Nonetheless, it's possible to find something that maybe doesn't fully occupy your mind, but at least brings enjoyment. When you make yourself open to new things, it's even easier. Do you know how to make yourself try new things? Stop being afraid of being worse than others, instead focus on doing things your way. I started baking at the age of 13 and slowly moved to other courses and cuisines. But I didn't do it often in the beginning, because it wasn't possible to try new recipes every day at home. Simply because I had to work around what was available in the fridge. Now when I tried to quit another habit, I started cooking new recipes almost every day as if I'm on some cooking show and must show all my talents. I must admit that I went a little too crazy on that and spent a lot of time in the kitchen. We're just 2 people, a cat and a rabbit. The latter two don't even eat human food.

You may ask why I just told you that story. Because you must find what you like. You'll have moments when you start craving your bad habit, but you'll do something better instead- something you're passionate about. If you don't find a substitute for your bad habit, you find yourself in a deep boredom. And boredom isn't something what good stories start with. Don't think you're taking something away while not engaging in your bad habit. See it as a journey to finding your true passion. Start with something simple, and when it doesn't bring enough joy, switch to another activity. You probably have a routine for you bad habit, so plan the new activity in those hours of the day. And most importantly, keep believing that in the end you'll figure things out and succeed. Maybe not this time, maybe some other time. But you definitely will!